Goodbye to you

So last night was my friends going away party and we went out for dinner. Once again i was the fat one out of the group. There all tall and beautiful and skinny. they were even dressed up for it and i was in my hoodie and jeans looking like a disgusting fat blob.

So i ended up getting a ceaser salad and they all ate like crazy. its just not fair.

well ive only lost and inch off my arms and thighs, and half an inch on my hips. i think i need to take  some drastic measures to pull this off.

vitamins

so i bought some vitamins today. im not sure how they'll work, but i dont eat well as it is so i figured i porbably need some vitamins and minerals.

oh and i ate fucking A&W today.. fucking shoot me. im going to fast tomorrow. I think i will do green tea. maybe have a piece of bread for my vitamins then nothing but green tea.

trips.

So i just got home from shopping in the states. i totally ate like a pig mostly because my parents made me. i measured myself when i got home last night and i gained a 1/2 inch  almost everywhere. looks like im going to have to go into turbo mood to catch up with my progess from before i went. on the plus side i got a lot of nice shoes and i bought some hoodies. i tried to stay away from shirts because i cant stand trying on things that dont fit. I went into abercrombie and hollister and felt like a fucking whale in there. 

i have a feeling this is going to be a good week.

well i have to go to work now, yay...

little black dress

so i went shopping with my best friend today. she had to buy a dress for some dinner or something. It was horrible. She is so skinny and she was trying on all these super nice dresses that i would never look good it! im so jealous that shes never had to work for her body, and any little thing i eat goes straight to my thighs!

uggh, anyway today was a failure. my dad bought these delicious cookies from the baker on the way to cabin and i couldnt pass them up. 

I talked my parents into buy some fruit and vegetable to now ill eat those when i have too.

the pilates and lifting weights are going good. i do them every night i can feel the muscles but i dont see them, too much fat. i think i may have to cut food out all together to see any result of fat loss.

my thinspiration

i want these legs!!

OMG I LOVE HER! i miss laguna!

the list

It was a really bad day today. Since it was thanksgiving there was a ton of food, though i am proud of myself for limiting the food i still ate bad. I had 2 pieces of turkey, 3 meatballs, 2 potatoes 1 cabbage roll and a slice of pumpkin pie AND i felt really sick to i didnt workout today either! uuugh today sucked.

things i want

-to be happy

-to be confident

-be able to try on anything

-not to be scared 

-not be embarrassed of my size

-wear skinny jeans

-wear form fitting clothes

-find the perfect man

-trade clothes with friends

-have a ton of really hot bikinis

-have a lot of boots that go higher than my ankle

-accomplish this

-not be scared to show off my legs in shorts or dresses

-be sexy

-not be the fat one of the group

-look good when smoking

-skinny is cute; fat is hideous

-see ribs

-have a flat stomach

-prove to myself that i can do this

-not be embarrassed when someone touches me

-have thighs that i can fit my hand around

-be the one who stands out because of beauty and not being the biggest

-sit in someones lap and not be scared that im crushing them

-be picked up without a struggle

weekends...and TONY LITTLE

I think the weekends are going to the hardest for me because i go out to the bars on friday and saturdays. If i tell my friends i cant go out they will know something is up. 

At work today i looked at some thinspiration.it really helps and im not even hungry either. i do pilates until it hurts so maybe i am hungry but i cant tell cause my abs are so sore. I felt smaller today but i didnt look it. Im going to measure myself in the morning, i use a measuring tape instead of weighing myself cause your weight is constantly changing and im only interested in loosing inches from everywhere.

So i assume i must loose 50 pounds.

 input

5 squares of pizza ... i know i know im disgusting.

diet coke

green tea x2

water

output

arm lifts

OH and i was looking through my movies and i came across TONY LITTLE EXERCISE TAPES!! funniest shit ive ever seen. that guy is soo friggen awesome and the exercises were pretty good. theres one for your upper body, abs and lower body too. i did the lower body; hips butt and thighs... i didnt really feel much from it though. ill probably just do some pilates before bed.

Hopefully by next summer

this is going to be tough

it started off a good day. i didnt eat breakfast and i didnt bring any food to work, then my mother bought us burger king for supper since my dad was going to a business meeting. 

so that basically ruined my day. 

before i went to bed i did pilates and i was soo sore when i woke up. my abs were still really tight. 

so im going to workout twice as hard to get rid of that BK.

Im also thinking about getting some multivitamins and some fiber supplements.

im not sure if those will help or not but i guess ill give it a try.

Input

Chicken Sandwich

French Fries

Rootbeer

Water

Output

Lifted weights

Pilates

Walked to work

i really like this, i wish my body looked like that.

Hot Legs

i think i'm going to start pilates tomorrow.

i got this dvd for christmas a couple years ago and it was fun but i just never had time, but now that im out of school i can make time when i wake up. When i did it before it worked pretty fast. If i keep at it i bet ill lose some weight by next month!

My stomach was empty all day until an hour ago when my mother forced pizza on me and i gave in.

i need to stay strong, i think the first couple days will be the hardest.

i've got to lose 50 pounds, and my method maybe be dangerous but im sick of feeling huge and ugly.

day 2.

Well today was, i'd say a good success. I didnt eat anything today, though i sat on my ass and didnt do anything. But im going shopping for a halloween costume after work and i'll get some good inspriation to fit into those sexy costumes. i feel really good about this. i know i can do. thinspiration helps alot too..

i really want skinny legs to show off in super cute boots and i want to feel confident without a sweater on. i know my limits and i dont want to end up looking like bones but i think that bones that poke out look so good.

input

Water 500 ml

2 slices of pizza

output

walking to the bus stop

walking around downtown

the first one.

At work today, it drove my insane looking at the bikinis that cant wear. My goal is to be skinny by next summer so i can wear a bikini and feel good about myself. Ive been really depressed lately and i think its because im over-weight. All my friends are tiny and i dont understand why im not like that. They eat worst stuff than i do, and i exercise more than them. its just not fair.

im glad i work 7 hours day, if i were at home i would constantly eat.

i think i may need help to keep me going